Stand Up And Clap, Damnit

IIIIIIIIIIIIIII did it!

I made it an entire 5k.

(I walked. I did jog a couple of times. I even ran [full on running, and I didn't even mean to, it's just what happened] for a little while. I'm trying a new training strategy.)

In 1:00:49.

Which pisses me off (fuh fuh).

I wanted to be under an hour. I missed it by ONE MINUTE.

But I did learn something.

The hills are nowhere near as bad as they used to be.

So stats on the day are as follows:

5.01 km, in 1:00:49, with a pace of 12:08 min/km.

Now I have a goal to work towards.

I'm thinking this strategy will work better for me. Instead of trying to better my distance within a set period of time, I'm going to try to better my time at a set distance.

My goal for the 5k in Gregory on August 3rd? To not be last.

F&#% Yeah!

I'd say that title is deserved. 

I dragged my sister out of bed and made her go with me tonight.

I hit my second best pace since starting all of these shenanigans.

2.92 km with an average pace of 11:55 min/km. 

(Not too shabby, considering it was approximately 84,000 degrees outside [It FELT like it, don't you judge me, you judgey-pants-person-who-DIDN'T-go-out-and-run-in-the-heat {unless you're my brother who DID go out and run in the heat, he can say what he wants}])

Our survival pho-to.

I hit a definite wall in the middle of the second jogging segment (it was 3:00 instead of 90 seconds). But I soldiered through it and ended up jogging almost all of every last segment.

(The last one was hard, so there was a bit of jog/walk/jog/walk/die/walk/jog going on.)

I also went today and got some new shoes for the running and the walking.

(And the jell-o pudding pops, because if you didn't read that in a Bill Cosby voice, then I don't know why I'm friends with you)

Can't miss me now!

My feet are a little sore, but I'm chalking it up to running/walking in shoes that aren't broken in yet.

I believe I'm going to switch up my routine a bit. I'm going to try not using the C25k app every time I go out. I want to do some days where I'm JUST walking, so I can start getting more distance in. I've been focusing too much on speed and being able to jog more, and I need to get into the mindset of distance. Distance is key.

Otherwise, Jeanette may be carrying me through the 10k.

And no one wants that.

Would You Like Some Cheese With That Whine???

(Seriously. There's a lot of whining. I'm warning you. Can't say I didn't.)

Not even gonna lie.

Today sucked.

It was too hot, and I talked myself into going out anyway.

But it wasn't even really the heat so much that messed me up, as it was, ONCE AGAIN, the terrain.

My perfect mecca of 5K preparedness turned out to be a giant heaping pile of shit. It's almost completely rounded off. The side of the road rises on a steady angle up to the center of the road, and then back down the other side. It's like walking/running sideways on a hill. Have you ever done that? Cuz it FREAKING HURTS.

I'm not sure why I didn't notice it on Friday. Maybe it was because I only gave myself one off day in between this time. Maybe it was because I had someone with me so I didn't pay as much attention to the HORRIFIC BURNING FIRE IN MY CALVES.

I don't even know how many jog/run sections I skipped, but it was a lot.

My C25K stats ended up as follows:

1.37km walked at 13:24 min/km, and .44km ran at 9:55 min/km for a total of 1.81 km in 22:44.

(Math skills tell me that I skipped approximately 3 jogging sections and 2 walking sections)

The only saving grace there is that's a marked improvement in my run time. But I only ran for not even half a kilometer. I'm sure had I run a bit more, it would have been slower.

My total distance for the day was 1.96m in 24:40, with a pace of around 12:35 km/min.

So my problem now is this...

Do I try to stick it out on the (mostly) flat but stupidly angled road?

Or do I go back to the State Park and deal with the hills?

I'm completely frustrated because Friday was AWESOME, and I was so excited that I found a great place to get this done. And now I'm back at square one. Stupid, standing in my way, laughing in my face square one.

*****

So I wrote all of the previous stuff out a little while ago, and went to do some other stuff.

I also watched that crazed lunatic walk on a tightrope across the Grand Freakin' Canyon.

I've come to this conclusion:

If some asshat can walk on a tiny little wire across 1400 feet of open-to-the-point-of-a-1500-foot-plummet?

MY ASS CAN DO A 5K.

*****

So to wrap things up, today sucked, I'm confused and sad and annoyed, Nik Wallenda's a crazyperson, I can do a 5K.

The end.

I'm A Swear-ie-Pants, Just Forewarning

I follow quite a few people on Instagram, a lot of them celebrities.

Dane Cook is one of them.

He posted a photo today that said this: I live my life like there is no yesterday.

The caption underneath was as follows:

Let it go. Start now. Write it down. Make it yours. Fuck the past. New plan. Today. Now. Right this second. Say it. Find a mirror. Look at yourself. Stop doubting. Start facing the direction you want to travel. One step at a time. One naysayer after the other will come and go because they never move. Winners are ahead of the pack because they want it. Go. Go. Go. Fight. Fight. Fight.

I don't know if he said this, or if he's quoting someone else, but...

FUCK YES, DANE COOK. THAT IS WHAT I WILL DO.

Yay!

Discovery of the day: Jogging is way easier on a (mostly) flat surface!

(Holy crap!)

My pace was slower than last time, but I think it's mainly because I jogged way more, so I was waaay more tired by the end.

Like, seriously dragging ass.

But my total distance was 2.43km, 1.68 of which was walking, and .75km of which was jogging. Total time ended up being 29:45. I'm still on pace to pull off a 1 hour 5K. So that's good.

My TOTAL total for the day ended up being 2.82km in 35:13 (pace was 12:29 min/km), which is just a little bit slower than my previous day.

(I'm also going to mention that I worked a fairly steady 6 hour shift today, most of which was spent on my feet. As well as working a busy 6 hour shift Wednesday night after my 3km workout, and another pretty steady 8 hour shift Thursday. I was still pretty sore today before my workout, and I'm definitely sore now. No excuses, but...it's a factor!)

Anyway, blah-dy blah-dy blah, the LEAST amount of time that I jogged today was 1 minute. The whole 60 seconds that I couldn't manage last week. And I did 2 full 90 second jogs, and 4 times I had to quit at the 75 second mark. So I'm getting there.

My pace isn't changing because the more I jog, the slower I tend to walk in between.

(Totally unfair, I want to be moving faster! Although the C25K app is constantly reminding me "it's not the speed, it's the distance")

I dragged my sister out with me today. I feel like I was holding her back, but she stayed right there in tortoise mode with me!

(I think she was about as ready to chuck my phone into the woods to get away from Constance as I was)

Also, yesterday I wore pants that I have owned for 3 years.

(If you'd like to venture a guess as to how many times those pants have been worn, including yesterday, feel free. I'll give you a hint. It's less than 2)

Today, I wore jeans that I used to have to struggle to get into. They felt funny. Then I realized...they weren't super tight on my calves.

This. Is. Awesome.

Oh yeah!

I almost forgot!

The first jogging section, I managed to hit :57 before I had to stop.

(It's uphill)

The second jogging section fell in a fairly flat spot in the path, and I did the whole :90.

Constance can suck it.

Unfortunately, the rest of the path is pretty much an uphill piece of crap, and I only jogged about :30 out of the :90 Connie thinks I should be doing.

But during the Cool Down portion of the C25K app, I jogged for :90.

(You're supposed to be walking during the Cool Down, but I went further than the C25K app calls for, so when that app was in CD, I still had another 4-5 minutes before I reached my car. Therefore, jogging is justified!)

What The Hill

There is this really strange phenomenon that happens when you walk/run the same path.

The hills get bigger.

Swear to god.

Try it out.

Today was the day I was supposed to jog for 90 seconds, then walk for 2 minutes. It went...alright. Not great. But not terrible.

3.03 km in 36:35. It works out to 12:05 a kilometer. It's the slowest I've gone since my first day. But I have to remind myself that I went almost twice the distance of my first go. If trends are accurate, I should have a little pick-up in my pace the next time.

(If there was an earthquake that somehow flattened out the path, I wouldn't complain)

(Oh! But that's not my C25K stats. That's my total workout for the day. My stats for the app are more interesting, because they break down when I was jogging and when I was walking. It's a bit skewed because today I didn't hit the "next" button when I had to stop jogging before time was up, so next time I'll try to remember to jump ahead)

I would definitely like to find a flatter place to workout. The hills are discouraging and downright obnoxious.

(I am currently Googling this. If we were on the phone right now, you'd be listening to hold music. Go ahead and hum a random Phil Collins song)

And apparently theeeeeeey do not exist. Thanks to a bunch of glaciers millions of years ago, I will just have to deal with hills. Awesome.

Now I shall go be cranky about that fact for the rest of my day.

This Post Has No Title

So I might be a little excited to see how tomorrow goes. Since that will be the official start of my C25K week, it will be my first try for the 90/180 time ratio thinger.

(Although....still stoked for the 2.64k walk I pulled off Sunday while still sick)

I had thought about going today, but I've got way too much on my plate as it is, and I don't want another disastrous workout.

(Note that there is no bumpy cake on the plate)

I'm looking forward to getting to the point where I can go every other day instead of having two days off.

Also, those fried cheese risotto things at Olive Garden?

(Of which I swear on a stack of fried Bibles I only ate two)

 Delicious.

THE DEVIL.

But delicious all the same.

(I also only ate ONE breadstick. You show me a PEFC that can only eat one of those suckers, and I'll show you someone with the willpower of a...of someone with a lot of willpower!)

No Cake For You

I was complaining today that my mom had bought a bumpy cake for our cookout.

I made it almost the entire day, and then I decided to have a piece of said bumpy cake.

I said, "It's your fault that I'm eating this, mom".

So she smashed it. And dumped lemonade on it.

I have an awesome mom.

Decisions, Decisions

I couldn't decide this morning if my lungs would allow me to do my Couch to 5K program.

I said to myself, you can just go tomorrow.

THEN I said to myself, hey, uhhhhhh, listen up, bitch. You can walk. So get off your ass, get in the car, and go.

So I went.

And it was awesome.

I didn't use my C25K app. I didn't want the pressure of Constance yelling at me if I just couldn't bring myself to jog the full time she was asking.

(Plus I don't think it's fair of me to try to push my body while it's sick, because it'll be skewed results on the day.)

I ended up improving my distance by half a kilometer. I am now officially halfway to my 5K distance.

Which is AWESOME.

I also did manage to jog some. Not a lot, but I did it. And I did NOT feel like I was going to die while doing so.

 See me? See that tunnel behind me? That tunnel was the goal I set for myself on the first day I went out.

(Notice again, I said "BEHIND me". Yeah. Take that, tunnel.)

This little bastard is my arch-nemesis. It is the cruel, rude and obnoxious uphill side of a very nice and polite downhill. I will kick its ass. Someday. Your time is coming, you bastard.

Holiday Road

I'm sick as all get out. I was thinking, I don't need to blog today. I have nothing to say.

(To which every person I've ever known shall respond "then why don't you ever SHUT UP?")

But then I remembered, I do!!

Tomorrow marks the first "upgrade" in my routine. And I am far from stoked. Where before I was jogging (supposed to be) 60 seconds then walking 90, tomorrow it moves up to jogging 90 seconds and walking 2 minutes.

I've decided that I'll be satisfied if I can at least jog over the 60 second mark. I'm really not expecting to hit 90 seconds in the first go.

(Realistic expectations are the correct way to go here. This is in no way "negative thinking". Just...reality.)

Also, I'm taking a page from my brothers book and switching my Run app settings to kilometers instead of miles. I feel like that will give me a better read on how I'm doing, since I'm working up to running a 5k.

(Plus kilometers tick off faster on the distance tracker! Ha!)

So now instead of my longest distance being 1.30 miles, my longest distance is now

(drum roll please, Griswold family)

2.09 kilometers!

Wee!!!!

*****

Side-note, I ran spell-check on this sucker, and apparently Griswold is in it's dictionary. Thumbs up, Blogger.

*****

Side-note part two, the first time I used the Couch to 5K app, I was unaware that it played music from your phones library. The only songs I have on my phone are songs that I used to make ringtones. Usually funny ringtones. I'm 4 seconds into my first run, and I'm running to this.

Nooooo

So what I spent most of the day thinking was my allergies acting up, I've begun to fear is just me being sick. 

 

(Or maybe even some disturbing combination of both of them that is completely immune to the medicines for either case.)

And it's creeping up so slowly that I'm REALLY starting to worry that it's going to affect my next workout, which I have planned for Sunday morning.

Hellooooo box of Emergen-C in my medicine cabinet!

(That's such a misnomer, really the only things in my "medicine" cabinet are old bobby pins and q-tips. Rephrase. Q-tips and old bobby pins. And clearly a box of Emergen-C.)

  

Things I Learned Today

Today was not a good day.

I had planned on running late in the evening, as I had things to do today.

At 7:30 this morning, I changed my mind, and decided to try to squeeze in my workout.

I half-assed the whole thing. I pressed skip ahead 3 or 4 times during jogging portions. I would get to about the 30 second mark and just not be able to keep going. But the whole time in my head, I was thinking "I'm going to run out of time and I'm going to be late". Could I have kept going? Probably. Would it have felt like my lungs were trying to escape from my chest? Probably. But I half-assed it for the sake of getting to run in the morning.

I decided to go in the morning because there are no other PEOPLE there that early. It's quiet. There's wildlife. But most importantly, there's no one there to laugh and point at the poor exhausted fat chick.

(Are other runners and bikers ACTUALLY laughing and pointing at the poor exhausted fat chick? Probably not. They most likely pay the tiniest bit of attention to anyone else on the paths. At least, that's what I do. I stare straight at the ground in front of me.)

And I realized today, you know what? If there IS anyone laughing and pointing at the PEFC?

THEY'RE AN ASSHOLE!    

You've gotta be a special brand of douche to see someone who is obviously trying to get healthy, and laugh at them. 

(Really, if you're out running, or biking, or what-have-you, and you see a PEFC? Get that bitch some water, because she's probably dying. Trust me.)

The first day I went out, a man biked past me, and gave me the head nod of acknowledgment. It felt good. 

So the first thing I learned today, don't sacrifice your workout for your own comfort. And from now on, when someone passes me on the track, I'm making eye-contact, and I'm giving them the head nod. 'Cause I'm one of you too, damnit!

Second thing I learned today? I need two days between workouts. Where Tuesday was fantastic, and I felt great, today was awful. I had two days before my workout Tuesday, and only one day between then and today. It's just not enough rest right now. 

The third thing I learned today is that, to my surprise, the protein mix I bought is kind of pretty damned tasty! It's not chalky, or grainy, or anything. I actually enjoyed drinking it. 

(But not as much as I enjoyed shaking it in my new blender bottle. Weeeeee fun!)




 

Dumb Move Of The Day

I went to Meijer today to get groceries. Healthy, protein-filled, delicious groceries.

(Also bananas, but I'll tell you about THAT particular fun-factoid in a minute)

I'm searching high and low for protein shake powder.

(Gross, but apparently necessary)

As I'm standing in the water aisle, staring at individual bottles of protein shake, it occurs to me where the (gross, but apparently necessary) protein shake powder IS.

(3 guesses)

It's on the complete and total diagonal opposite end of the store from where I am. I thought to myself "Seriously? I've gotta walk ALL THE WAY over to the pharmacy section to get this when I'm ALL THE WAY over in grocery?". About .37 seconds after this thought goes through my head, I realize....


I'M A &#$%ING IDIOT.

I'm buying this stuff to help my muscles recover from a WORKOUT REGIME.

Needless to say, I marched my lazy self immediately to the pharmacy section, where a nice lady helped me pick out what I needed.

(Thanks nice lady!)

*****

Sidenote: I am banana intolerant. Who knew? I now have useless pieces of produce in my kitchen.

 

Ow....Ow....Ow....Ow....

There's a new sound I make when I walk the day after a run. If it didn't hurt so much, I might laugh.

(I know this because I have laughed at Heather many times while she hobbles around the salon the day after she runs FOURTEEN FREAKING MILES [Heather is crazy])

But I've got better news than how many times I can say "ow" in a row before someone smacks me!

I've had more bursts of idiocy!!

I'm going to run a 5K in Gregory on August 3rd!! I'm hoping my brother, mom, and an aunt will be joining me. I'm also hoping to be able to run/jog most of it, but I just keep reminding myself...

I'M DOING IT. I'm doing a freaking 5K. So what if I have to walk a bit?

Then on August 24th I have the daunting Zombie 10K.

(Also known as the race that started this whole mess)

And on September 8th there is a 9-11 Memorial 5K in downtown Brighton that sounded like it would be nice to do.

I'm gonna be one busy girl this summer!!

(Good. Less time to eat!)

Shut Up!!

Small moment of "win" for me today.

Check that. Actually, it was a pretty damned HUGE moment of "win" for me.

When I went out to the park (but not the ballgame) on Saturday, I could hardly do the jogging portion.

(App info, it has you jog for 60 seconds, then walk for 90. As I mentioned previously, I was estimating Saturday)

I could jog for about 20 seconds, then it was done. Finito. Adios amigos.

Today. Oh today.

TODAY! I jogged the FULL 60 seconds for all but THREE of the 8 of the jogging segments.

(Sidebar, two of the segments I jogged 40 seconds. I skipped the third one completely. Mainly because I couldn't breathe correctly after the second jogging segment. I woke up congested this morning, and it made the first couple of segments a bit....rough)

At one point, I still had a jogging portion left to do, and I realized I was too close to being back to the starting spot, so my fat lazy ass TURNED AROUND. 

(It was at that point I realized, Hey. There's a skinny person trapped in here and that bitch wants OUT!)

So hell yeah, I'll call that a big "WIN" for me.

What Was I Thinking?

Technically, my first foray into training happened this past Saturday. It went...clunkily.

(Is so a word)

I didn't have my very helpful Couch to 5K app yet, so I did my best to estimate how long I should jog and how long I should walk. After the first round of jog/walk, I stopped estimating and just jogged til I wanted to die.

(Hint: it wasn't very long)

This morning I'll be putting my very helpful app to work. It tells you when to jog, when to walk, when to throw your phone far into the woods until you can no longer hear "Constance", the ridiculously chipper automated trainer.

Welcome

Soooooo this idiot signed me up to do a 10K on August 24th. Of this year.


 (It was totally me, I did it)


This blog will be the place I go to cry when I get home from workouts.


Hope it's comfy.